The Man Who Couldn't Cry
(Johnny Cash)

There once was a man, and he couldn't cry
Hadn't cried for years and for years
Napalmed babies, the movie 'Love Stories'
For instance, could not produce tears

As a child he had cried, as all children will
Then at some point his teardrops all ran dry
Grew to be a man, it all hit the fan
Things turned bad, but he couldn't cry

His dog got run over, his wife up and left him
After that, he got sacked from his job
Lost him arm in a war, was laughed by a whore
But still not a sniffle or sob

Well his novel was refused, and his movie was banned
His big Broadway show was a flop
He got sent off to jail; you guessed it: no bail,
But still not a dribble or drop

In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered
And made to make license plates
Water and bread was all he was fed
Not once did a tear stay in his face

Doctors were called in, scientists too
Theologians were last, and practically least
They all agreed sure enough, this was no crane-puff
But in fact an insensitive beast

He was taken from jail and placed in a place
For the insensitive and the insane
He made a lot of friends, and he played a lot of chess
And he cried every time it would rain

Once it rained forty days, and it rained forty nights
And he cried, and he cried, and he cried, and he cried
On the forty-first day, he passed away
He just dehydrated and died

He went up to Heaven, located his dog
After that, he rejoined his arm
Below all the critics, they took it all back
Cancer robbed the whore of her charm

His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke
The theologians were finally found out
Right down to the ground, the jailhouse burned down
And the Earth suffered perpetual drought